On Change & Success
By Lacey Gartley
“…changing behaviors could not be defined by a simple dichotomous paradigm – namely, ready versus not ready – because this didn’t take into account the complexities of individual’s thought processes and the natural human resistance to change.” – Rachel Lloyd*
You’ve decided to start a diet. You begin to consider various types of diets, read some reviews to narrow down your options, and, once you have made your decision, you spend time creating a grocery list and meal prepping in order to set yourself up for success. You begin your diet and you feel very confident because of your preparation. But then you get sick, and chopping up a bunch of vegetables is the last thing you feel like doing, so you order take out. A couple days later, a co-worker has a birthday and there is cake and ice cream in the office, which are NOT on your approved list of food, but you think a couple bites aren’t really going to change anything, right? Besides, you already messed up when you were sick. You grab a plate and decide you’ll try a diet another time.
Change is not easy. Change is not linear. Change is a process. Illness, major life transitions, lack of positive social relationships, poverty, substance abuse, coupled with the experience of trauma, can make the process of change seem impossible.
At ESTN, we understand this and expect change to be difficult, particularly for our survivor clients. This is an important lesson, because as we accept it, we can adjust our expectations of what change SHOULD be like and realize what change IS like. We learn to have empathy. We learn to be patient with the process. We re-imagine success and learn to celebrate the smallest of steps towards change our clients make. Answering a phone call. Showing up for a life skills class. Remembering to schedule a follow up with a doctor. Filling out a job application. Meeting with a detective. Calling a sponsor. All of these are celebrated as steps towards change and we know that celebrating these things with survivors can have a lasting impact.
“…every thoughtful, intentional conversation is planting the seeds for future change, and change often requires multiple attempts for it to be lasting.” -Rachel Lloyd*