Domestic Violence Myth Bust with Marissa Miciotto

This month’s blog features the transcript from Episode 006 of Someone Like Me: the official podcast of End Slavery Tennessee, a Domestic Violence Myth Bust with Marissa Miciotto.

This myth busting episode with Marissa Miciotto refers to the conversation with Joan from Episode 003. Click here to listen/read before continuing.

Marissa is the statewide Training Specialist for the Sexual Assault Center. The SAC provides services for survivors of sexual violence in Middle Tennessee. She trains people who are caring for survivors of interpersonal violence. Marissa brings us a wealth of knowledge on how to recognize domestic violence and provides several resources for how you can help.

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Leslie: This is Someone Like Me, the official podcast for End Slavery Tennessee. This show aims empower survivors of domestic human trafficking by telling their stories. We also want to educate listeners on what’s really happening in their own backyards. I’m your host, Leslie Eiler Thompson.

In episode 3, Joan told us her story, which included a history of domestic violence and being trafficked by her husband. Today’s myth busting episode with Marissa Miciotto refers to this conversation, be sure to listen to Joan’s episode before continuing. 

Marissa is the statewide Training Specialist for the Sexual Assault Center. The SAC provides services for survivors of sexual violence in Middle Tennessee. One of those services is training, and this is where Marissa comes in. She works to train people who are caring for survivors of interpersonal violence. Marissa brings us a wealth of knowledge on how to recognize domestic violence and provides several resources for how you can help. So here’s our conversation with Derri Smith, founder of End Slavery Tennessee and Marissa Miciotto of the Sexual Assault Center.

Derri: It's great to have you with us today. We connected a couple of years back I think it was. You're a subject matter expert on the issue of intimate partner violence, and you were providing training on the topic. And we just wanted to explore ways to combine our expertise to educate others on the intersection of human trafficking and intimate partner violence. So you're doing training for the Sexual Assault Center or SAC, for short.

Marissa: Yes.

Derri: SAC and End Slavery Tennessee have long had a really strong partnership. Would you please tell us just a bit about how the Sexual Assault Center partners with End Slavery Tennessee?

Marissa: So, the Sexual Assault Center, one thing we do is provide weekly therapy for End Slavery Tennessee's clients.

Derri: Mmhm

Marissa: So for those that you are serving, we also serve through clinical work. Along with that, our case management and advocacy teams work collaboratively as needed to best serve our clients as well.

Derri: Yes, they’ve been a great partnership, and I will say that we actually have therapists from the Sexual Assault Center in-house at our care center.

Marissa: Yes.

Derri: I imagine that many people were surprised when they listened to Joan tell her story to learn that her husband was her trafficker. Your work’s given you a depth of understanding about situations like Joan’s where human trafficking and domestic violence are closely intertwined. How common would you say that Joan's experience was?

Marissa: Hm, Yes. Unfortunately, the intersection of human trafficking and domestic violence is far more common than I think many people realize. In my work with survivors of domestic violence, I would pretty often hear about experiences that described trafficking within the relationship. Although, I'll say it wasn't frequently named human trafficking…

Derri: Mmhm

Marissa: …by the individual or by many people that they were coming into contact with. There are just so many myths surrounding domestic human trafficking so it can be really difficult for a lot of people to spot. So I think that's just one of the reasons why the prevention and education work that organizations like End Slavery Tennessee provide is so important. Once people have a better understanding of what both issues really look like, we'll get a better idea in terms of data regarding frequency of occurrence. And then I hope survivors can perceive more comprehensive sources of healing and resiliency all across the nation.

Leslie: Something interesting I heard you say, if I could jump in, on the victim level, what I heard you say was that sometimes they don't even know the difference between domestic violence or human trafficking or where those lines are. And so often you run into them not knowing kind of what's actually happening.

Marissa: It's difficult to sort of put parameters because these are so intertwined in a lot of instances. And I think that that sort of a lack of good information across all of our society regarding human trafficking is just lacking. Then, as members of our society, those that experience human trafficking sometimes aren't aware that that is what's going on. It feels like survival, which I appreciate that Joan mentioned as she was talking about her story.

Derri: I couldn't agree more. I would say that probably pretty close to 100% of the survivors of human trafficking who come to End Slavery Tennessee don't recognize themselves or label themselves as human trafficking victims. It takes some time for them to be able to step back from the situation and really see it for what it was. And I'll also say that we often find this situation where a trafficker marries one of his victims or has children with them, and that just becomes a powerful source of control. Why don't you just talk to us a little bit about the ways that intimate partner violence and human trafficking intersect?

Marissa: I'm really glad that we're discussing this because domestic violence and human trafficking do not occur in silos. So intimate partner violence is really any pattern of behaviors that's used by one intimate partner to control another. And this often includes tactics like psychological abuse, including manipulation or intimidation, physical abuse, sexual violence, financial abuse and isolation. And a big part of this intersection is this central component for both human trafficking and domestic violence, which is power and control. The power and control tactics are at the core of both human trafficking and domestic violence. They both incorporate this cycle of violence and trauma. So, I highly recommend that anybody listening go check out our resource which is known as “The Power and Control Wheel.” There are separate power and control wheels created for domestic violence and human trafficking to talk about the ways in which power and control are utilized in these situations. So if you look at each of them, if you look at them side by side, you'll really see so many of the ways in which these overlapped. So what does that look like practically? Well, I've talked to a number of folks who are experiencing abuse in their romantic partnership. And then one day, like Joan, they were coerced or forced into sex, or labor for money or goods. And like Joan said, it often is feeling like just survival at that time. And then, as Derri was mentioning, when working with folks that have experienced trafficking, a number of times, they'll identify their trafficker as an intimate partner or a boyfriend. That is intimate partner or domestic violence.

Derri: You know, I think that leads to a question that I know I hear a lot, and I'm sure you do too, about domestic violence or about intimate partner violence. Why don't they just leave?

Marissa: I know, I hear that a lot. And most of the folks that I've worked with that are survivors have heard that many times throughout their relationships. And it's just so much more complex than that. There are so many obstacles that lead to why folks can't just leave. It can be incredibly dangerous at times. In fact, we know in domestic violence that the majority of homicides are occurring when someone is trying to leave or has just left.

Leslie: Wow.

Marissa: So I think that's a massive consideration. I also think there are considerations like children and financial abuse. Financial abuse is not frequently talked about, and it's such a big part of both domestic violence and human trafficking. And certainly, all of the folks that are experiencing this intersectionality.

Leslie: And talk a little bit more about financial abuse in terms of what, how would you define that? What are some specific instances? I just think once you start going down that path, you start realizing, “Oh my.” I don't think any of us would find it easy to just pick up and leave.

Marissa: I think for many people financial abuse, well, for all folks that are experiencing financial abuse within domestic violence, it is the use of finances and resources to control the partner, the other partner. And so it becomes part of that cycle of abuse. And it becomes a huge piece of that manipulation. And it is often held over someone's head, access to those resources or finances, in order to keep them keep them, keep them there.

Leslie: Yeah.

Marissa: I think that becomes complicated with any individual who's just trying to survive in society at all. I think it is also very complicated if you're a person perhaps who has children to support.

Leslie: Yeah.

Marissa: That is certainly a consideration. Our system is not set up to be able to just take off with your children without financial resources and housing, etc. So, I think there are just so many considerations when it comes to finances that it becomes, I would say, one of the biggest pieces of domestic violence in terms of obstacle.

Derri: That's very helpful, Marissa. And, and the same thing intersects with human trafficking where traffickers control the money, require a certain amount be made every day, or there'll be dire consequences. So there are so many people who might notice signs of a situation like Joan’s. I’m thinking, you know, an apartment manager or a child's teacher, for example, what are the signs that people should pay attention to?

Marissa: So there are many warning signs for each of these. Some of those might include isolation, which we kind of touched on, the individual not having a support system or relationship outside of that partner. Signs of control within the relationship. So maybe somebody not being able to freely and independently speak, always deferring to their partner or seeming to be coached on what to say. Other signs might be the partner always being present, which I don't know that society thinks about a whole lot. But I would say a constant presence, sometimes when unnecessary, certainly would wave a flag. And then possible physical injuries, or signs of emotional abuse like insults and put downs. So my hope is that people continue to learn about the complexities and possible warning signs of both human trafficking and domestic violence so that they can offer help whenever possible. And then I also think it's important to clarify that when I say offer help, I'm not talking about this idea of rescue…

Derri:& Leslie: (laughter)

Marissa: …which is not always the most helpful or wanted approach. And so instead, I recommend knowing local resources like crisis lines, knowing who your local organizations are, like End Slavery, so that you can refer someone who is potentially experiencing this to the appropriate resources.

Derri: That is great. And I'd like to talk about that a little bit more. We actually have red flags, a pretty comprehensive list, for human trafficking found on the End Slavery website. And that's endslaverytn.org. If you look under Learn, then Red Flags. And we would encourage you to save the Tennessee Human Trafficking Hotline number on your phone so it's readily available if you need to call. That number is 855-558-6484. Not one that's really easy to remember so it's really good to save it on your phone. And if you're outside Tennessee, you can save the National Human Trafficking Hotline number, which is 888-373-7888. Those lines are available 24/7 and you can remain anonymous if you choose to. And I would add to what Marissa said and say, if you see signs in public of what might be human trafficking, something doesn't seem right. It's not safe for you to jump in and do something about it. What you should do is safely notice as many details as you can, what people are wearing, if there's a license plate you can see, any details, and report those to the people on the human trafficking hotlines. Is there anything else that you'd like to add today, Marissa, that we haven't covered?

Marissa: When we're speaking about the hotlines or crisis lines that are available, I would just like to add that if you believe you've noticed a situation like Joan’s, you suspect that there's trafficking and/or domestic violence, those crisis lines are available for you as well, to sort of parse through what you're seeing and figure out what next steps you should or could take while also considering the safety of everybody involved. So I wouldn't hesitate to call and really talk through that with professionals that are there just for that purpose.

Derri: That's an excellent point. And I know the people who answer the lines have told us they would rather somebody be wrong and call them, than to be right and not call them.

Leslie: Hm that’s huge. If I could ask a question real quick, one of the themes in, in Joan's story was that this was something that, she grew up in a household of domestic violence and trafficking. And it was kind of expected that she would be trafficked even as a, and you know, they didn't use that word, but it was expected that you would at some point use your body for the exchange of money or something like that. Can you talk a little bit to children within situations like that, domestic violence situations with their parents, with their family? Do we know that there are patterns for these children growing up? Do most of them go into that sort of life as they, as they mature? Or is there some sort of way that there can be intervention? What can we do as, as teachers, as, as people in the community to help these children?

Marissa: Yeah, I can start to answer that a bit. I would say there's something known as ACE’s, which are Adverse Childhood Experiences. Domestic violence is one of them. So, that is one of the things that we look at to help determine kind of the needs of children in our society, and how we need to respond to build resiliency and stack the odds back in their favor when they have experienced these adverse things in their childhood. So familiarizing ourselves with things like ACE’s and their resiliency toolkits for our youth would be a really good first step. And I really steer away from saying anything like “most,” so I wouldn't say that like, most children who have witnessed or been in a home where domestic violence is occurring then later experience these things. We do know that it certainly does not stack the odds in your favor, and there is some increased likelihood that you will encounter it again later in your life though.

Leslie: That’s good to know.

Marissa: So, early recognition and intervention through support really can make all of the difference.

Leslie: That’s great.

Talking with people like Marissa and Derri are great ways to understand the complexities of interpersonal violence, which includes domestic abuse as well as human trafficking. Thank you to Marissa for joining us on Someone Like Me for this episode. 

We wanted to reiterate the hotline numbers again so you can save them in your phone and have them at your fingertips.

The Tennessee Human Trafficking hotline number is 855-558-6484.

If you're outside Tennessee, the National Human Trafficking hotline number is 888-373-7888. Those lines are available 24/7, and you can remain anonymous if you choose to. 

There were a number of items referenced in this conversation, like the Power & Control Wheel and the list of Red Flags. Those will be made available at someonelikemepodcast.com in the show notes for this episode. These are essential resources to understanding this important and complex issue.

End Slavery Tennessee thanks Jones Legacy Group for their continued support and exclusive sponsorship of this first season of Someone Like Me. Executive Producer is Derri Smith. Producer and Editor is Gregory Byerline. Music by Kurt Goebel. If you like what you're hearing, please tell a friend and subscribe so you never miss an episode. I'm Leslie Eiler Thompson. Thank you for listening.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

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